A Requiem for Bikey

Oh Bikey. So many memories together. So many miles. So many donut stops. How can I say goodbye to you? How can I honor your many contributions to society? I know! I’ll share our story with millions of people around the world! Here is the timeline of our love affair. It all started in 2006…..

September, 2006-I meet the wonderful Scoogie Snyder at the Pine Barrens Tri. I say, “Hey! I like your bike!” And he says, “Thanks! Where’s yours?” And I point to my yellow Trek 1000 and he says (kindly), “Ooh. You can do better.” He introduces me via email to a recently retired professional triathlete (and also happens to forecast the weather on television) who is selling a bike.

October, 2006-I purchase said bike, a sweet little red Elite, from said meteorologist. I ride this bike until 2010.

red rocket

This frame and 650 wheelset are in my attic. Who wants them?

March, 2010-Luke at Cadence decides that it’s time for a bike that fits me better. I purchase a 2009 Cervelo P3 frame, and use nearly every component from the Elite to build my new frankenbike.

April, 2010-BIKEY….IS….ALIVE.

Summer, 2010-Bikey and I race Devilman half lite, Eagleman half, Bassman half, all the Delmo races, and Islandman.

April, 2011-Bikey gets a new set of Reynolds Strike race wheels.


Sooo many scratches on the frame are from that stupid rock wall.

May, 2011-Front Reynolds wheel is stolen. Replaced by Zipp 101.

bikey bed

Resting up for our first 140.6. Night, night Bikey.

September, 2011-Bikey and I complete Chesapeakeman.


We were happy! Although everybody’s happy at the start of 112 miles.

May, 2012-I drive into the mall parking garage with Bikey on the roof of my car. I nearly vomit. I break the fork. Bikey gets a Mizuno fork.

June, 2013-Max at Philly Bikesmith adjusts my fit on Bikey by swapping out for a longer stem. Bikey gets a Giant stem.

September, 2013-Bikey and I complete Chesapeakeman again.

May, 2014-Bikey and I ride from home to the Jersey shore. On the ride, Snarky G. and I witness the first documented cases of E-TTOX (click here for my detailed medical report).

April, 2015-While adjusting my fit yet again to take pressure off my bad hip, Max makes his first reference to lighting Bikey on fire. “I hate this bike,” he says.


Pyro-maniacal bike mechanic.

August 29, 2015-Bikey races for the last time at Delmo Sports’ Tri the Wildwoods. We place 3rd AG.

The Life and Times of Bikey was brought to you by the following manufacturers:

  • Cervelo
  • Reynolds
  • Zipp
  • Giant
  • Shimano
  • FSA
  • Profile Design
  • Mizuno
  • Specialized
  • X-Lab

Also: duct tape, electrical tape, rubber bands, and smallish bungee cords.

I beat the ever living crap out of that bike, but she never let me down. Her frame is scratched, her chain is rusty, and her bar tape is frayed.  Most of her components are 1999 DuraAce. Her rear-mounted bottle cage acts more like a water bottle/rocket launcher. As a result, I like to think she’s a cousin of the Batmobile. Even with all of that, saying goodbye is hard. Sniff.

But it’s not all sad news! I am currently in fierce negotiations with a young triathlete from the Drexel Tri team who wants to adopt Bikey. It will be the first ever agreement of sale for a bike that includes a morality clause (e.g. You must avoid low garages.)

Bikey will ride on. And that makes me happy.


Thanks, girlfriend.


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