Cedar Island 5K(ish) Swim-A TMT Race Report

Remember how I told you that the jellyfish showed up and ate all the plankton and made the water super clear? You don’t remember? Tsk, come on. Keep up and click here. Thanks to the jellyfish, on race day Avalon’s Cedar Island and its surrounding shores looked like this:


 Nemo! There you are!

Things didn’t look so good before the race. Early in the morning, it looked like this:

island lightening

Thank God that stormed moved out, or I would have had to remove the 6-foot GPS antenna that protrudes from my head. I’m like a badass narwhal. The device keeps me swimming straight and has sliced at least 10 seconds off my mile swim. It also slices the wetsuit of any swimmer in front of me. Oh well. They’ll learn. From TriSports, only $179.99 plus shipping, and worth every penny. I’ve heard the newer version is smaller.

The day before the event, the volcano in the middle of Cedar Island erupted. This was weird because we didn’t even know there was a volcano on Cedar Island, let alone in South Jersey. It looked like this:



At first it was terrifying. But then I thought how nice it would be to have a secret, underground lair in a volcano right in my own backyard, so I quickly sketched this:


The project goes out to bid next week. Email me if you or someone you know is in the underground lair business.

Now onto the swim.

Exactly 150 people signed up to join the swim team on Sunday, August 24th. That’s right. We raised the cap, and it still sold out. There were at least two dozen paddlers, kayaks, and support boats on the water with us, every single one of them getting up early on a Sunday morning to keep us safe. Which makes them all awesome.

The race started at 7:45 a.m. sharp (for tide optimization) with a cannon blast.

pre cannon


cedar I2

 Post-cannon. (If you look closely, you can see me having a coronary from the cannon blast.)

There was also a Harry Dunne (from Dumb and Dumber) sighting. Harry is a mythical creature, like Big Foot or Nessie, hence the fuzzy photograph:

blue tux Paddling around the island in a blue tuxedo is the stuff of legends.

Every year, lots of real swimmers show up to our swim. They are young, fit, and insanely fast. They have time to shower, change, and send several hundred text messages before I finish. I love that they come, because it means we are LEGIT, yo.

To keep it fun, I added a “champagne division” after the first year. To place in this division, you must 1.) find the champagne stop, 2.) take a sip of champagne, 3.) finish the race, 4.) pass a Breathalyzer. No, no Breathalyzer. Just kidding about that. We don’t drink that much.


I wonder if that hat would get a good GPS signal?

Due to the vague description of the location and the annual location change, my friends and I are usually the only ones to find it (heh, heh, it’s good to be the race director.) I was 95th overall, but 7th in the champagne division. BOO-YAH. Top three get to take home the bubbly, donated by the TMT News Team.

champagne division

Snarky G., Nurse Grumpy, and The Jelly Bean take the Champagne Division, otherwise known as the “12-Step Podium”.

Then, post-swim breakfast back at my house.

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. The brain child of Mrs. Donovan. That is a Britton’s Bakery cream donut sliced in half, with a Kohler’s creamer placed in the middle. Stupid? Maybe. Overindulgent? Most likely. Delicious? Duh.

donut sandwich


 For me, truly nothing beats the company.

back steps

 My team. xoxoxo


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